Week 10 (3/10/19) - Heart to Heart

This post is very stream of consciousness. I would apologize for that, but I truthfully don't think I care whether that bothers you... so... sorry not sorry. Today, you get Phil un-Philtered.

This week has been rather slow from a birding point of view. Not a surprise after the trip down to Miami really, but nevertheless I was stunned to see that I had taken a total of just four photos this week. Of those four photos, only one contained any birds! I didn't undertake any significant trips, with my only real birding outing a visit to the house of a birding couple here in town to try and see a Clay-colored Sparrow they've had visiting their feeders. Alas, no joy.

One of several feeders at Cheri and Rich's. Immature and mature Chipping Sparrows are currently enjoying the blend on offer

So with my one picture and essentially all of the bird talk out of the way, let's get back to the other half of this blog - my health. Real talk; I have been doing awfully lately. I meant to weigh myself this morning so I could include some info when writing this post, but I opted to stay in bed instead. My assumption based on my recent eating habits is that I will have regained any weight I manage to lose and probably added more on top.

I have moments where I make good decisions, but rarely whole days. Without being able to go whole days making good decisions, it is hard to make progress. Today has been relatively good, I walked over 4000 steps, which may not sound like much, but that only happens if I got out of my way to get off my ass while I'm at work. If I don't intentionally and deliberately make an effort I barely hit 2000 steps in a day.

In general I'm just struggling with finding motivation, despite knowing how much better I will feel if I eat better, exercise more and bring the house under control. Isn't that crazy though? I literally know with near certainty that I will feel better if I do those things, yet I actively chose not to do them. I instead opt to sit in bed watching TV shows or playing computer or both. I understand that I'm not the only person who feels like this and if you can identify with how I'm feeling, know that you're not alone. We can sit in the mire together.

Much as I would love this to be an inspiration blog that really encourages people to help become the best version of themselves, I think for the foreseeable future I may have to settle for being a blog that encourages people to accept that if they aren't the best version of themselves but that's ok. Long term, I would love to be the best Phil I can possibly Phil, but right now just Phil-ing at all is enough. Does that make sense?

I'm really good at putting on a mask, so good in fact that I've fooled myself at times. I'm not wearing it right now - hence the long meandering post. I know that I'm not doing well but you know what? I am trying to do better. I cooked a genuine meal today. I didn't buy it mostly or entirely made by a store. I combined ingredients (include fresh veggies) to create an honest-to-goodness meal. It made me feel good to cook and create something tasty based on zero recipe, just me throwing stuff together. I do need to try and do that more.

So where does that leave me? Well, if today is any indication it tells me that I am capable of dragging my lazy ass out of my chair at work to get some exercise, it tells me that I am capable of putting forth some effort in the kitchen to create something tasty. Now I just need to get the house in order. I keep kicking that particular can down the road. I've never really enjoyed cleaning, but I think I really need to just knuckle down and stop procrastinating.

The plan, then, moving forwards is as follows:

• Build on today's efforts to exercise, even if it is just a couple of short walks, that's better than nothing. If I can muster something more energetic then great, if not, that's actually really ok
• Enjoy leftovers tomorrow but be thinking about other good meal choices moving forward. Get back into the swing of cooking more regularly - maybe even get back to prepping meals on the weekend to enjoy during the week?
• Try to hold myself accountable and get the house back to house standards by the end of Sunday. I legitimately think that will help raise my spirits. If you are reading this, you have my permission to ask me if I've made any progress at any point between now and Monday. In fact, that would be really helpful

So there we are - that's where I'm at. I'm still here, still battling with things, still trying. I hope to bring you an update for Week 11 which involves me having made positive strides in all three areas. 

Here's another picture of Rowan (that's two pics from this week, woot)

She had been tearing it up outside in the long (at the time) grass - can you tell?

No checklists of note this week. Maybe next week? There's a lot turning up in Duval right now, so maybe a mini-tour of the county is in order?